I miss America. I do. I miss everything about it. And it's a strange feeling right now, because I've realized that I have less than 2 weeks in England, and while I am looking forward to returning home, I'm afraid once my feet land back in the country of liberty I will be missing the country that has become my second home. I feel torn. I'm not sure what to feel. Other than strange and confused.
It's starts with my boyfriend. I miss him the most. And I dream of the day I get to see him again, which hopefully won't be too long of a wait once I'm back home. It's a struggle, being over here without him. Even when I am perfectly content going about my business and England has plenty to keep me distracted, all it takes is one little subtlety to remind me of him. It's people mostly. I see two young high schoolers strolling around hand in hand. I'll see a couple pushing a stroller down the street. I'll watch an old man open the door for his wife to a cab. And I get this sinking feeling of jealousy, because even though I already have love, it is not with me. At least, not in the physical sense.
Being apart for six weeks though is really showing me how much I care about my boyfriend and I think he's going through the same thing. Last night I called him because I saw he had sent me a message earlier and I was confused, panicked at the thought that I might've accidentally missed a skype date. Fortunately that was not the case, and after confirmation that our skype date was tomorrow, it was time to say goodbye because he was eating dinner with his family. Right before we said goodbye, his voice dropped really low and he stuttered, "I miss you." At first I simply replied with "Bye," unknowing that he would not let that be. I heard him say it again, this time a bit louder, and I responded with an "I miss you too sweetie." Getting him to say that in front of his family is a big step. My guy is not one for PDA, especially around people we are close to. But perhaps all I needed Oh I cannot wait for the day I see him again.
But my boyfriend isn't the only thing anymore. I miss so much more about America than I ever thought I would. I miss Walmart. That's right, I miss the giant corporation that runs small business out of town and is a bit shady when it comes to employment. I miss that it's open 24/7. I miss that I can find almost anything in there. If you need it, you can probably find it at walmart. I miss cheap food. I miss air conditioning. I miss cars driving on the right side of the road and yielding, patiently, to pedestrians. I miss being in the same time zone as everyone else. I miss good customer service at restaurants, free refills, and not having to worry about having change on me in case I need to use the restroom out in public.
I miss pancakes for breakfast. I miss being able to text and call without ringing up someone's phone bill. I miss Americans, and how they don't judge me because of my accent. Yes, I miss Americans a lot.
But there are things about England I will miss as well. I will miss the nice British people, who are more than willing to help when asked. I will miss the way they say "cheers" and "love". I will miss hearing their British accents. I will miss their fashion. I will miss the public transportation, being able to take a train to anywhere else in the country. I will miss London and the big city feel. I will miss Worcester and how it has that quiet, quaint feel. I will miss the Malvern Hills in the distance and the beautiful English countryside. I will miss the friends I have made on this trip. I will miss this experience, because I know it can never again be repeated.
I guess it's okay to be sad and happy at the same time. It's the whole bittersweet feeling. Being able to look forward to something, while finding it hard to say goodbye. This chapter, this time I've spent in England, is about to come to an end. But it doesn't mean my story is anywhere near over.
I don't know how I know this, but for some reason deep in my heart I know that I will return to England again someday. I'll probably go back to London, just because it has always been my dream European city, and it did not fail my expectations. As sad as it is to say this though, I will probably never return to Worcester. Not because I didn't like it, for it's grown on me to the point that returning to it feels like coming home. But because I'm weird when it comes to nostalgia. This place has precious memories that cannot be replaced. To return would just remind me of the past and how it cannot be relived. I don't want any new memories to spoil the ones that I have. Six weeks have been spent in Worcester. And six weeks is all Worcester will ever receive.
The truth is I don't know when I'll return to England. I'm assuming somewhere off in the future, a few years down the road, when I am financially stable and have the time and freedom to return. The next time though I'll be bringing something that I left behind this time: my love.
Until then, I have less than 2 weeks. Less than 2 weeks to still take it all in. Less than 2 weeks to enjoy England. Less than 2 weeks to ask God to help me not lose my sanity from missing Joe. And in less than 2 weeks, I will be back home, far from England and everything I've adjusted to here. And while there will be 4,000 miles separating us…it will forever remain close to me, in my heart.
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