Wednesday, June 30, 2010

American Girl (dn)

(I'm sort of writing a column about Worcester for the DN. The blog posts that have dn in the title mean that it was written for the column. However I would like to note that this is prior to copyediting.)

It's the first day of classes here at the University of Worcester and I'm already off to a bad start. I somehow lost the package of poems I was given to read before class today. Unfortunately I am still the procrastinator as I am back in the states and didn't discover this until last night. On the bright side though, class isn't until 1pm, or 13.00 as it says on my schedule, giving me time to either find a new copy or borrow someone else's. Regardless I feel slightly ashamed that I might have to confess to a professor that I already lost my first assignment. So much for giving the British a positive impression.

I didn't think coming over here first impressions would bother me, or that being American would be as big as a deal as I feel it is. But with everyday that I'm here I feel this incessant pressure to impress the people of this country that I'm coming to know and love. Which isn't exactly an easy task. Aside from the accent that gives it all away, it’s the way I dress, how I act, even just walking down the street. Every time I go to cross a street I have to consciously think about how I'm going to do it. I have to look right instead of left for traffic before making my way out to the medium. I get confused when I see a car waiting to turn right, and I have to remember what side of the street they'll be turning on. I feel like just standing on the corner, my head twisting from left to right to look at traffic, must give it all away.

But if it's not by my clear look of confusion when walking down the street, then it must certainly be how I dress. At home, strolling around in jeans and t-shirt is an acceptable outfit. Here it's a bit different. I've found from my trips in town that most girls will wear dresses or skirts of brilliant colors. They accessorize and match from head to toe. Fashion seems to be huge and it's not just on the posters that you find in clothing stores, it's everywhere you look around this city. With the clothes that I packed I can successfully pull off fooling the British about twice a week. But with my variety of jeans and t-shirts, I'm back to looking American.

If there's one thing I can't avoid though, it's the way I talk. While I'm picking up on the British accent and I know a few of their sayings, inevitably when I open my mouth I sound like your typical Midwestern girl. I would try to pull off a British accent when talking to the people here but I'm afraid it will come off either insulting or incredibly fake. Besides, I kind of like my accent. It's the one thing that I enjoy that makes me different.

I guess when it's all said and done, as much as I try to blend in with these people and this culture, at the end of the day I am still American. I drink coffee instead of tea in the morning, I own more jeans than dresses, and until the day I leave I will still probably be hesitant to cross the street. There's no use in trying to become more British because I am too stuck in my American ways; I can't change where I come from or who I am. I just hope the British accept me, and maybe, just maybe, I can impress them.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Don't Be Deceived

I am sitting at my desk in my flat here at the University of Worcester with B.O.B's song Airplanes on repeat. I am literally pulling on my damp hair with a feeling of despair but more so frustration. A box of "Fruit 'n Fibre" sits to my left, my only current source of food to munch on. It's an unsweetened off-brand Raisin Bran cereal. A cup of cold decaffeinated instant coffee with milk sits on my right. Neither are fulfilling, and neither appeal to my American tastebuds. I keep checking facebook hoping to see a wall post show up or a new message waiting in my inbox. Nothing. I want to call my boyfriend but the six hour time difference means it's only 4pm where he is and who knows what he's doing at this time of the day. Not to mention, I made a pathetic phone call at 3am to him last night after going clubbing, where I realized how miserable it is to have gorgeous guys want to dance with you...but none of them being the person you want or are even willing to dance with. Every time I shook my head no and politely, but firmly, said "sorry" to the smiling brit with the spiked up hair, I felt bad. I wanted to tell them that in all other circumstances I would dance with them and they could put their arms around me and we can laugh and get tipsy and have a good time. But I didn't want to get tipsy. I didn't want to dance. I wanted to be with my boyfriend. Back home. In the states.

I don't know why I thought I could avoid homesickness but I guess studying abroad has a strange appeal in which you think you are going to be on a constant high of happiness, that England will be so great it would just continually distract you so that the the thought of home doesn't even come to mind. I suppose talking to all of my friends who have studied abroad and told me how great it is didn't help. And facebook is very deceiving. It shows the photos of the travels and the smiles and all the wonderful things going on. But no one dares post being lonely, or crying at night, or silently counting down the hours until the next phone call to the person you love takes place.

Or maybe it is just me. Maybe I'm just the pathetic American who can't hold her own here in another country. It is only 6 weeks afterall. When I first got here, and a group of us sat down to talk about weekend plans to all the places we want to go, my original thought was "My goodness...6 weeks isn't long enough!" And in fact it may not be. I was just talking to a girl who will be staying a few extra days here to go see her German friend and maybe hit up Prague. Prague...oh...Prague sounds amazing. Just from photos I've seen it's absolutely beautiful. I would love to go to Prague! So originally I thought of trying to switch my flight, stay a few days to go to other countries and experience even more while I'm over here. And then I think of the reason I didn't extend my stay in the first place...because of the people back home.



I don't blame England...England's not disappointing me. Beautiful places, interesting people, fun experiences...all within less than a week. I am thrilled to be here and I'm enjoying almost every minute of it. Today we went to Malvern Hills and I swear I felt a stirring within my runner's soul...something I haven't felt in months. Suddenly a desire to take off along the beaten paths gazing off at the view, completely captivated by God's creation. That's something I haven't even tried searching for recently and now I feel like laying out a new training plan. So no, England is not a disappointment. I am disappointing myself. I came here to change, to find inspiration and motivation, to sit and write and focus on my career. I pulled myself away from my home and the people I love to work on me and my dreams. I just unfortunately assumed it would be easy.

Escaping a place is easy. Escaping what holds dear to your heart? Impossible.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Every Step I Take

Oh. My. Goodness. I almost completely spaced on the ENTIRE REASON I CAME TO THIS COUNTRY!!! I'm being a bit dramatic of course but I have good reason to. There is a very vital reason on why I feel so drawn to this place. A deep fascination, that roots back into my childhood. Something that I am so obsessed with it's sent me on this crazy search to figure out what it is that has me so addicted to it. Something that's got the world turning circles running 'round my brain. Two words:

The Police.

I feel like the biggest geek in admitting that I have some obsession with a band that dismembered before I was even born, a band that is older than my parents, a band that is pure 80s music. A band that has pulled me around 4000 miles from my home, just so I can get an experience of the country where they not only started off their lives, but became the musicians who would create a success that would rock the world and change their lives forever.

I can't say that The Police was the greatest band ever. Well, to me they are, but in reality there was bigger. Take a look at The Beatles. Talk to a Beatles fan about going to Liverpool and watch their reaction. Or what about the Rolling Stones? As my dad said to me, the Rolling Stones could be in their 80s and still sell out stadiums. Now that's called dedication.

Or look at the one-year anniversary of the death of an artist that just happened yesterday. The one and only: Michael Jackson. People from around the world flocked to LA and Gary to mourn the loss of a music that was a part of their lives. A year later, and the fans are still not over it. Nor will they ever be.

That's the thing about music. It's not just a part of our lives, something that we mindlessly accept. It's a part of us. Somehow these vibrations that only last for seconds sink deep within us, clinging to us, long after they're gone. They give us goosebumps, they make us cry. They lift us up, they lull us to sleep. They get stuck in our heads and sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we can't shake them from our minds.

I believe that everyone has that one, deep, personal connection to a particular song, or band, or genre of music. Some deeper than others. I cried the day MJ passed away but I wasn't trying to get a ticket to his funeral. Some people don't cry. Some people don't even go see them when they come to town to perform. Some people just merely enjoy listening, and that's good enough for them.

It is not good enough for me.

I'm not sure what I'm expecting to find here in the UK. I'm not sure if any questions will be answered or any issues solved. I'm not sure whether I'll leave feeling like I successfully hunted down the footsteps of my favorite trio or if that will even still matter to me. All I know is that I came here in hopes of growing closer to the music I am so in love with. I don't know why, but I had this image back home in the states. Particularly when I was at Lake Erie. I would stare out over the lake, imagining it was the atlantic, and imagine what that island across the pond was like. I imagined the three getting together with their instruments and tea, and recording away. I imagined Sting wandering the red light district of Paris, an experience that would later inspire him to write The Police's first hit. I imagined that this island is the island in Message in a Bottle, his lonely heart sending out an S.O.S., only to realize all the lonely people there are in not only this country, but the world. I imagined them shooting the music video for Don't Stand So Close to Me in a local schoolhouse, a song I would later find hit a little too close to home. I imagined them catching trains, performing in small pubs, struggling to pay the rent for their poorly furnished flats.

After imagining all of this, and I'm sure more, here I am. Unable to fight this pull I've felt towards this place. For some reason, I had to come here. I had to just walk the same land of the people who gave me the music that has been so prominent in my life. Maybe to experience what they experienced. Maybe to find inspiration. Or maybe I just came to pay my respects.

I'm not sure right now. All I know is that I love the Police. I'm finding that I love England. And that with every step I take, I'll be blogging all about it.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Jet...lag...

This update will be brief. While there is much I'm experiencing and even more things that I can't wait to write about, I am absolutely exhausted. Even though I got at least 7 hours of sleep last night. This jet lag is just now kicking in and it's killing me. So this is just me saying there will be posts this weekend...after I get much more sleep!

Cheerio loves.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

A Wish (or two) Right Now

So let's pretend that the airplane flying from Newark to Birmingham is a shooting star streaking across the night sky. Here are a few things that I wish for on my journey to England.

1. To have a greater appreciation for literature.

You would think someone who deeply desires to be a writer would be greatly interested in literature. You would think that their bookshelves would be filled with great pieces of work, by the greatest authors of all time. From Shakespeare, to Jane Austen, to Nabokov. You would think that they pore through books in a week's worth of time. You would think that Barnes and Noble would recognize their face and that their library card would be well worn in. You would think…

Truth be told, I'm terrible when it comes to literature. I'm terrible when it comes to reading. It takes me months to get through a book and if I find it boring I often put it down, start another book, only to put the second down and go back to the first. I am not a huge fan of really any author. The last book I couldn't put down was the seventh book of the Harry Potter series (yes, I will admit, I enjoyed those books). I don't know why. I don't know whether it's a lack of patience or if it's just the fact that certain stories and books can really get into my head and pester my mind and morals for a while. It's the same reason why I'm not a huge movie fan. Unless it's comedy, anything with a decent plot can stay on my mind for awhile and changes my mood. I'm not a fan of that. I'm a fan of consistency. Anyways…

I hope that England will bring a change to that. I hope that I will dive into Romeo and Juliet with a passion and hold onto every word. I hope that visiting these places where great writers once lived will open my eyes. I hope that I will perhaps see a desk where pen once met paper and the words that resulted influenced the world and it will impact me in a way that I could never imagine. As much as I love words, sometimes sight is the only communication you need.

2. Make one of the royal guards laugh.

3. Find the cutest locally owned coffee shop…or tea shop…

I love Starbucks. I swear I do. I have a Starbucks credit card in which 1% of all purchases goes towards the Starbuck's gift card side. I surprise my boyfriend with mocha crème frappucinos. In the summer I sip iced coffees and caramel frappucinos, and in the winter their caramel macchiatos warm me right up. I go there with friends and co-workers and it's the perfect atmosphere. And I always, always walk out of there with a smile on my face.

I do not want to touch Starbucks while I'm over here.

No offense to Starbucks, but there's something different about a coffee shop that's locally owned rather than an international wide chain. Something more personal about it. Something that you can really appreciate. I often dream of finding a coffee shop like Central Perk in Friends, where I can just go chill out with my friends and it becomes a second home to me. I love that idea. Ball State was close to having its own Central Perk, it was called the Mt.Cup (pronounce empty cup…clever isn't it?). Unfortunately for Mt.Cup, business did not do so well and apparently issues with the owner was the final straw for the coffee shop. When I return to Ball State this year it will be gone. And I will continue to go to Starbucks because it is the only (and most convenient) coffee shop around. And in my hometown? There was a coffee shop a few years back. It closed its doors as well. And Starbucks continues to remain the King of all purchased coffee beverages in the tri-state area.

So I figured while I have the chance to get away, this will be the perfect time to find that cute locally owned coffee shop. Thing about England though, is they seem to prefer tea. So perhaps I will find a cute locally owned café shop that has the best tea in town! I would prefer to find this in Worchester, but if I can find one at all while I'm abroad, that would be great as well.

4. Befriend the British.

If there's anything I would really like to take away from this trip, aside from learning and gaining irreplaceable memories, is a new friend. Girl or guy, doesn't matter. Just as long as they have a cool personality, can teach me a lot about the culture over here, and has an awesome accent. Someone who I can stay in touch with for the rest of my life, and hopefully someone who I can visit again!

With that said, that reminds me of another wish I have…

5. Have a British accent, complete with the awesome lingo, that will fool people into thinking that I'm really from the UK.

6. Stay away from anything American.

No Starbucks, no McDonalds, nothing that screams anything from my homeland. That includes (I can't believe I'm going to say this) drinking coffee in the morning. I guess I'll have to adapt to tea!

7. Be inspired.

The reason I decided to go on this trip started with a whim. A burst of spontaneity that occurred on a snowy day back in January. It was after I discovered that this upcoming school year will be my last at Ball State…I will have accomplished my goal of graduating in three years, something I wasn't so sure was going to happen. But after I learned that this indeed would be my last year, I realized I was missing out on something I so desperately planned on doing when I was in high school. I always told myself that I would go to college and study abroad in England. And after hearing of my other friends going on their own adventures and having their own cultural experiences to talk about I realized that this summer would be my last chance to seize this opportunity. I threw my internship plans aside and decided I would get that taken care of next summer, after I was done with all of my classes. So I ran, literally, down to the Rinker Center in the Student Center and asked the lady at the front desk if there were any opportunities for this summer to study abroad in England. We set up an appointment, and the next week I was meeting with Jim Coffin, the director of international programs and he presented this new program at the University of Worcester.

A phone call to my mom and $500 deposit later, and now here I sit, in a lounge with two other Ball State students in our flat, here in Worcester, UK.

This is a dream coming true for me…these wishes/goals that I've listed only scratch the service I've what I'd like to experience and take away from this trip. For so long I've dreamed of coming to this island, experiencing this culture, knowing that I was in England and it blows my mind that I'm actually here. In fact, I'm not sure it's fully hit me yet (I'm running on the 2 hours sleep I got on the flight on the way here). But what I do know is that when I leave, I want this trip to have changed me. I want my eyes to be opened to all that surrounds me. I want to have a different take on not only this country, but the country I know and love back home. I want to be inspired to write and research and read. I want this trip to just simply inspire me. Perhaps an experience I can look back on and being inspired by for the rest of my life.

So let's realize that airplanes in the night sky aren't shooting stars. And these seven wishes I have aren't wishes, but simply goals I'd like to accomplish. And the only person that's going to make them come true, is me.

Wish me luck :)